


To Save the Girl at Bus Stop

by RedXD



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Hurt/Comfort, LGBTQ Character, LGBTQ Themes, Modern Era, Original Character(s), Original Fiction, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phobias, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-23
Updated: 2019-03-18
Packaged: 2019-08-06 07:02:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16383527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedXD/pseuds/RedXD
Summary: Leora Miles is a strange, but somewhat normal girl. One day, she sees a girl at a bus stop.Then she keeps seeing her.Again and Again. Slowly the life of Miss Analise Rivera is uncovered. Whether or not that's a good thing, well Leora will have to find out.





	1. Fear Of Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> Original WORKKKK! 1) No reposting without perm 2) Only kind criticism 3) Got nothing nice to say dont say it 4) dont read it if u dont think you'll like it 5) dont expect regular updates ima busy bee

Leora hums as she walks to the bus stop. Hamilton blasts in her ears and cold winds brush her skin. She scrolls through her instagram.

One post catches her eye. An artist she follows drew a drawing inspired by astraphobia. She quickly opens google and looks up the term astra. She sees something about a musical and another description mentions a supernatural weapon. Leora groans and searches astraphobia instead. She should’ve started with that. 

“Astraphobia, also known as astrapophobia? The spelling on that looks weird.. astrapophobia, brontophobia, ker- how is that pronounced? or tonitrophobia is an abnormal fear of thunder and lightning. Ah, I see, interesting.” She mumbles to herself, reading aloud as well as thinking aloud.

She quickly types the term astraphobia in her notes on phobias.

_ I wonder if there’s a fear of accidentally speaking aloud? I’ll have to look into it.. _

She slides onto the bench and checks her watch. 7:02. Eight minutes until the bus arrives. Her feet tap on the concrete ground. Waiting sucks. Why can’t the bus be here already so she can hurry up and share her new findings with Liam, Bailey, Xavier, and Naomi. She hears footsteps stop beside her. She glances up. 

A single girl stands there. She’s wearing a long, oversized, pale purple, turtleneck sweater. With that the girl wore black jeans and matching purple sneakers with orchid colored socks. She has long black hair, with the bangs dyed a dark red. Black painted fingernails peek out from her long sleeves. The girl stares off into the unknown, head tilted downward.

Hmm. She wonders what the girl is thinking. Does she hate waiting as well? What are her little quirks and hobbies. What is her opinion on global recycling?

One thing Leora has always been fascinated by is the human mind. How opinions form and change, how different mental disorders and disabilities work, and so on. It mostly has to do with her little brother.

Three years ago her little brother Stevie died. He was born with severe schizophrenia disorder and one day hallucinated Leora on the street. She was, in fact, actually at home. Even so, Stevie ran out onto the street and was hit by a pickup truck. 

Ever since, Leora wanted to learn more about mental illnesses and the human mind. She thought that maybe, just maybe, she could stop someone from dying like her brother did. 

She hears the screeching of a bus. Her feet tap as she hops up the stairs and swings around the pole into a seat. Her eyes follow the girl as she sits in a seat. She keeps her head down the entire time.

Leora wonders why. Does she have Anablephobia? Maybe Agoraphobia? Possibly Scopophobia? She hums in curiosity. She settles on Agoraphobia. It  _ is  _ a pretty common fear. 

She thinks over her fears. Leora has narrowed down and made a list of all her phobias.

Hemophobia, monophobia, scopophobia, and Atychiphobia mainly. She also for sure has minor ADHD. 

People have said in the past that she is a weird girl. She doesn’t mind quite frankly. She had friends that knew her true self and accepted it. Her family accepts her. She has good grades. Life isn’t perfect, but it isn’t awful.

Her eyes flicker to the outside. A man walking on the street looks to be loopy or drunk. His steps are wobbly, his entire being is ruffled and messy, and lastly his eyes aren’t focusing on one thing and are glossy. The slightly flushed pink only makes her believe her hypothesis more. 

She huffs a satisfied breath. Leaning back in the seat, she looks at the ceiling. Her fingers tap to the rhythm of ‘A guy I’d kinda be into’ from Be More Chill. Leora counts the words on a sign. It’s an ad for some sort of lotion. There’s thirteen words on it. 

Ugh. Leora frowns. She hates uneven numbers. Even numbers are better. People have asked her in the past why she hates uneven numbers so much. She always says the same thing.

All uneven numbers besides 5 don’t have a simple pattern. She likes the simple patterns of twos and fours. 

She also hates the number 7. 7 has no orderly pattern in comparison to even numbers. 7 also was how old her brother was before he died. 

A simple coincidence.

The bus screeches to a stop. She stands up and notices the girl stand up too. 

‘Girl’ isn’t a good name. Leora titles her ‘Bus Girl’ instead. She’ll have to figure out her name. She looks like a Katrina or a Beth. Reading people is a talent of Leora’s, but she can’t seem to figure out this girl’s name.

Oh well.

She hops off the bus and scans the crowds. The bus stops right next to her school entrance, so she always meets her friends there.

“Le!” She hears a familiar voice yell. She turns and runs towards the group of people she knows. 

Her eyes quickly glance over at Bailey. Bailey is wearing a blue beanie. He’s a guy today then. 

“Hey guys! Did you know that the fear of lightning is called Astraphobia?” She chirps excitedly.

Her ultimate best friend, Liam, raises an eyebrow. “Where’d you find this one?”

Leora smiles proudly. “Saw some art by Dotted Butterfly Weed on insta based on it and looked it up, duh.”

Naomi rolls her eyes. “Doesn’t that artist draw all sorts of fear and morbid shit based art?” She asks with a raised eyebrow. 

Xavier puts a finger to his chin in thought. “You ever think that maybe he or she has the phobias and mental illnesses they draw?”

Leora hums in thought. It is highly possible. Lots of artists draw as a way of venting emotions. Even so, she hopes not.

“Hope not. That’d suck.” She states.

Bailey nods. “If it is the case, let’s pray they get help. I hate to think people could be so hurt and sad.”

Everyone nods in agreement with sympathetic faces. 

Liam is the one to break the ice. “Anyways other than the sadness and phobia obsession Le has, I got the new Smash Bros game! Parents aren’t going to be too annoying, so annual sleepover to play it?

Naomi spares a look and then glances back down at her phone. “I’m free. Kip is going to be busy this weekend anyways.” Kip is Naomi’s online boyfriend. Leora and Bailey were the only single ones, but Bailey is Asexual so it’s not surprising. Xavier and Liam are dating, Naomi has Kip, and Leora still hasn’t even had her first relationship. 

She doesn’t mind though. Being Omnisexual, she has options. 

“I’ll have to ask my parents.” Xavier says. He has strict parents.

Leora smirks. “You already know I’m down to kick your ass.”

Liam makes an offended squawk. “HOW DARE YOU THREATEN MY BEAUTIFUL GAY ASS?!”

Leora shoves him in the side lightly. “I think you need to recheck. I don’t know what you mean by beautiful.”

Xavier kisses Liam’s cheek. “I think every inch of Liam is beautiful.”

Everyone groans except Bailey. He squeals and screams about how cute they are. 

Leora spots Bus Girl walking around the side of the school. Hmm. She didn’t know she went to her school. New student?

 

—

 

Her fingers tap in a rhythmic pattern on the desk. It’s oddly similar to the beat of My Shot from Hamilton, but she  _ was _ listening to her musical mess of a playlist this morning anyways.

She peaks up at the clock. Only ten minutes left. Leora isn’t really paying attention. Science doesn’t matter anyways. When in the world is she ever going to need to know in depth about fucking biodiversity anyways?

“Now class, any thoughts?” Miss Briggs questions. Her thin cat like eyes scan over the class.

Leora raises her hand and straightens her posture. She gets called on. 

“If the human mind can expand to such extreme lengths and capabilities, then why is it that it took so long for humans to develop a better perception of nature?”

Miss Briggs smiles and nods. “That is a great question. I’ll give you an answer tomorrow, anyone else?”

A few moments later Miss Briggs calls on someone behind her. Leora turns around and her eyes widen as she notices Bus Girl shaking like crazy.

Her voice is small and quiet as she answers. “To answer L-Leora’s question.. Um the reason it took s-so long to develop better  comprehension of nature is b-because as human beings um as they developed their.. um minds g-grew to be have more a-ability to comprehend what was developing and.. um happening a-around them.”

Everyone stares at her after she finishes and she only shrinks in on herself, looking straight down.

Miss Briggs breaks the silence. “That is a great point of view on the matter, Analise.” At her name, Leora hears snickers around the classroom. What is so funny?

Analise huh? Guess she can stop calling her Bus Girl now.

The bell rings and everyone shuffles to grab all their books and leave towards the next class. Leora moves slowly, watching Analise from the corner of her eye. Her fingers, she notices, are thin and pale. Dark eyeshadow and eyeliner circle her under eye and eyelids neatly. Dark black lipstick layers on her lips. Leora also notices that Analise’s eyes are a crystal blue, the color of a diamond. The makeup only makes her eyes pop even more. They’re a pretty color.

Analise walks out, head down the entire time. Her bangs fall over her face like a wall.


	2. Fear of Stolen Glances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leora continues to grow more curious about Analise while learning exciting news from Naomi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :Do not steal my work:
> 
> I'M BACK WITH SOMETHING OTHER THAN BOYF x3 Also I posted this story on here, wattpad, and tumblr and i see like no one noticing it, so I'd really appreciate feedback on the story, ect to make u guys more exciting to read it!
> 
> Also, I do research the stuff that Leora talks about in this story, but if u find any false information please leave a comment to let me know and i'll fix it!

My dark hair falls over my face. Light peeks through the strands. I hear my phone ring loudly. My slender finger taps the button to shut off the alarm. Silence beckons me to get out of my bed. My thoughts trap me underneath to stay.

_Stay with us.._

_We love you.._

_They’ll never love you.._

_Don’t leave.._

My eyes close as I breathe weakly.

I have to get up.

The sharpie on my desk is red, the color of luck. The color of danger. The color of lust. The color of passion. The color of fire. The color of romance.

The color of _blood._

I put an ‘X’ through the day.

107 days left.

 

—

 

Leora drags a hand down her tired face. Her eyes twitch and crack. She’d stayed up all night again. She never _means_ to, but it happens anyways.

_I should probably stop researching things instead of sleeping._

Her eyes flicker over the work from last night. Most of which was her listening to the Wicked and Heathers soundtrack while scrolling through different articles.

The topic? Illusions. One of the few things minds can still not comprehend to the fullest.

She’d already added a good few pages to her journal last night, but her mind thinks to the few articles she saw before her morning alarm went off.

Flipping open her journal, she uncaps her blue glitter pen.

 

 

> _Date: 2/27/18_
> 
>  
> 
> _Studies show that “everything we experience is a figment of our imagination. Although our sensations feel accurate and truthful, they do not necessarily reproduce the physical reality of the outside world. (Scientific American)”  Now personally, I am familiar with the basics of illusions and how it affects the mind. Even so, there is much more to the different details and pieces that fully make up how the mind works around illusions versus how the eyes react to them and neuron science in general. Sensory organs like the ears and eyes are all interpreted by the same neural machinery. This neural machinery is also responsible for our dreams, memory failures, delusions, and other things of the sort. This means that the truth and the lies versus the real and the illusions are both connected from a shared physical main point or source inside the brain._
> 
>  

Leora caps her pen. Her eyes wander to the small blue watch on her wrist. It’s about time for her to head out to the bus stop.

She slides her feet into her pale blue Vans. She scratches Potter’s (her dog) head. He follows her as she skips down the steps. Locking him in his kennel, Leora bursts out of the door.

 

—

 

Leora sits down at the bus stop. ‘Someone in the Crowd’ plays through her ears.

She hears footsteps stop. Looking up, she sees Analise. Today, she’s wearing a gray t-shirt with a pale blue sweater over it. She’s wearing a black scarf that matches her black jeans. Gray painted nails with little black polka dots peek out from her oversized sweater sleeves. Her pale blue sneakers match her sweater. Instead of being down and messy, her hair is up in a thick, long ponytail. Dyed bangs cover her other eye unlike yesterday.

_How can someone stand having that much hair to deal with?_

Personally, Leora likes to keep her hair cropped short. She doesn't bother with bangs either. 

The bus screeches to a stop in front of the two. The doors slide open with a hiss.

Leora hops on and waits until the girl sits down. She plops down in the seat beside her. Analise doesn’t move or look anywhere else, but out the window.

She peeks over at the other girl. Hopefully, she is distracted enough by the window. Leora notices a small band on her wrist. It’s got stripes the colors of the omnisexual flag. Pink, magenta, dark violet, blue, light blue. It’s a orientation she knows well.

Pale zircon eyes look over at her. Leora flushes embarrassed and looks away. Damnit. Way to let herself get caught.

The rest of the ride to school is the same. When the bus stops, Leora hops off quickly and goes towards her friends.

Bailey hug-attacks her. Pink beanie. Her pastel purple floof matches her pastel purple floral shirt and white overalls.

“Why the hug?” She notices Liam and Xavier looking at them with smiles. Naomi is typing away at her phone like usual. Today, she has a huge lovesick grin on her face. Kip related, Leora guesses.

“Naomi has news!~” Liam practically sings. He’s a fucking gay ass.

For once in her life, Naomi looks up from her phone. “Kip is flying to Florida!” Her voice is joyful instead of it’s usual sarcastic.

Bailey jumps up in the air and squeals. “I’m so excited! We get to meet him right? Oh please tell me we get to meet him?!” She talks a mile a minute as usual. Guess Naomi is the only different one today.

“Of course, Bai. He asked if we all could get together on Saturday so he can meet you guys.” Naomi never once stops grinning. She looks like she’s on cloud nine and Leora can’t help, but feel jealous.

Everyone on Saturday is going to technically be ‘bringing’ someone. Liam and Xavier, Naomi and Kip. Bailey won’t, yes, but she doesn’t care to. Leora however, will continue as the only unjustifiable single friend. Even though she feels this way though, she knows it’d be a bad idea for her to just jump straight into a relationship. From what she’s researched, heartbreak can be similar to drug or nicotine withdrawals recovering addicts go through. Just the sound of that chills Leora’s bones. How could anyone be okay while heartbroken? She doesn’t think it’s truly possible.

The warning bell sounds and they quickly head to class.

 

—

 

Leora groans. Algebra is useless in her mind. How can anybody possibly _like_ finding unknown ‘variables?’

A weirdo. That’s who.

She can’t really judge though, people have called her a weirdo in the past. Personally, she doesn’t get what’s so boring about wanting to know how our brains work, but everyone’s different.

She stares out the window. All this stuff isn’t new for her anyways. With the grade strict parents she has, she’s always been ahead. This doesn’t mean advanced classes though. She doesn’t want ‘advanced waste of time.’ Which, that’s what it is, right? A waste of time unless you find it interesting or it’s important. She still doesn’t get why there isn’t any business classes.

Leora watches as PE students walk back inside from running. Her eyes trail to a guy running down the sidewalk near the track. He looks like he’s… chasing someone? Her eyes flicker in front of him and she almost does a double take.

Is that Analise?

It seems it is. Her hair flows behind her as she runs strategically around the track, the guy on her tail. They turn around a corner and leave Leora wondering what happened. All she knows for sure is that the guy was chasing her. Well, and that Analise looked extremely… pretty during the matter. She could support the claim with evidence though. It is a fact, _not_ an opinion. Of course.

The bell rings, dragging her out of her thoughts. She gathers her books neatly. Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Jackie.

To put it simply, Jackie’s a bitch. He used to call Bailey rude words during class after she came out publicly. No one messes with someone as sweet as Bailey. She’s a legit angel. Eventually, the school stopped being a huge dumbass for a day and they suspended him and removed Bailey from classes with him. Things have been quiet ever since.

With a sigh, Leora walks out of the classroom feeling numb.

 

—

 

Wind blows through her skin. The bus is going to be late, Leora can tell. It always turns the corner after 4:15 and before 4:20. Now that’s technically early since the time for it to stop is 4:25, which means the bus would have to turn the corner at exactly 4:24 to be on time perfectly. It’s already 4:22 and she hasn’t even heard the squeaky wheels of the public bus.

Most people find the way Leora thinks annoying, but those people don’t understand the importance of patterns and schedules. It keeps anxiousness and confusion at bay. Helps create a familiarity for people who need it. She isn’t one of these people particularly, but she can appreciate the tact of simple patterns.

Like on a star. Each point circles around in a simple pattern. A pleasant one.

Her step sister thinks she has OCD, but isn’t obvious she doesn’t? People with OCD have a sort of anxiousness or anxiety about things being a specific order or germs. In fact, it’s highly likely that someone with OCD also has Mysophobia as well. Leora doesn’t have that phobia at all.

Familiar footsteps bring her out of her own complex mind. Her eyes glance over to see Analise. What is she doing here? Does she also have after school activities? Leora is only here because she signed up to be a teacher’s aid for around an hour after school. What can she say, it’s fun. Especially copying papers. It’s calming in a way.

She notices Analise looks worn out. Does she do something like track? When she was sprinting, she was pretty fast.

And pretty h- Stop Leora. She shakes her head in annoyance. They haven’t even spoken a word to each other. Well, that can change now though. Leora peeks again at Analise. With a clearing of her throat, she turns to fully face her.

“Hey, I’m Leora. You’re in my class right?” How is one supposed to start a conversation with someone who you’ve been secretly learning about? Does this make her some sort of creep? She sure hopes not, that wouldn’t be very good on a college resume.

Analise turns her head and scans over Leora while processing the words. “I- uh yeah. I’m Analise..” She mumbles more to herself than Leora. Not very social by the looks of it.

Leora wants to ask her about herself. To figure out why she feels so drawn to her. Drawn to her long sleeves. Drawn to her shimmery eyes. Drawn to her dark eyeshadow and painted nails.

Drawn to _her._

Maybe she can figure out a new plan.

Time to research, bitches.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mysophobia - Fear of Germs, ect  
> OCD - Obsessive compulsive disorder


	3. Fear of Texting and Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leora texts her friends and spends some time on Wikihow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback appreciated!~

My whole body aches. Susanna never noticed the bruises yesterday. I suppose it’s a good thing.

I open the top drawer. A small tube of foundation sits at the top. I grab it.

One by one, all the bruises disappear. Walls hide the truth.

They hide lots of things.

The bags under my eyes are one of those things. I pick up some eye shadow and eyeliner. Sometimes you need a different kind of wall.

I take one last glance at myself before exiting the bathroom. No more bags, bruises, or scars are showing.

Good.

No one needs to know.

 

—

 

Leora feels stupid. She’s never had to _research_ how to approach someone.

She glances at the current Google page she has open.

 

_‘How to Befriend a Shy Person’_

 

“Befriending a shy person is one of the most rewarding things you can possibly do. They can be the sweetest, most outgoing people ever––they just need a little support to be the best people they can possibly be. Being a friend, a shoulder to lean on, can do much more than you can even imagine.” She reads.

Is this serious? She finds the entire description stupid. Even so, she continues on.

“Step one, Walk slowly toward the shy person, in a non-threatening matter.” Wait, is that supposed to be ‘manner’? Why did they spell it wrong? That in itself is annoying. On another note, Leora can’t really test it out. How is she even supposed to know if this will work?

Does Liam know? He hasn’t mentioned Wikihow before, but she’s seen people on youtube do videos on it. Is it reliable information or will it only make things harder?

She screams into her pillow. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO HER?! She didn’t do anything to God _or_ Satan! Sure she stole a few extra cookies as a child, but still! She’s supposed to be the smart person, why?!

Leora opens her phone. A notification from her group chat pops up.

 

 **[Group Chat:** What the fuck KyLe **]**

 

 **GayPikachu:** GUYS GUYS

 **GayPikachu:** WHY AREN’T THE DISHES IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER?!

 **InstagramQueen:** Wtf Liam.

 **BeatYoAss:** He’s been watching vines again

 **InstagramQueen:** oh god we’re all screwed

 **GiverOfHugs:** STAWP CURSING use better vocabulary

 **LeoraM:** I agree with Bailey, seriously people

 **RichardsAunt:** what the fUck riCharD

 **GayPikachu:** WhaT tHe fuCk kYLe

 **InstagramQueen:** oml stop

 **GayPikachu:** i’ll stop when i become adele

 **BeatYoAss:** No!! Then I can’t be gay for u

 **GayPikachu:** trutru

 **LeoraM:** So, are you guys able to give me advice on something?

 **RichardsAunt:** yeah

 **GayPikachu:** cherp cherp mother cluckers

 **GiverOfHugs:** uhh are you a chicken?

 **GayPikachu:** my mom was a chicken

 **InstagramQueen:** wtf Liam

 **BeatYoAss:** don’t question my bf naomi

 **BeatYoAss:** it wont do anything

 **GayPikachu:** u know u lOve mE

 **RichardsAunt:** u knOw u cAre

 **BeatYoAss:** do I?

 **GayPikachu:** gAsp i’M huRt XaviEr

 **InstagramQueen:** kip don't encourage him

 **LeoraM:** Guys. I seriously need help, Wikihow is doing nothing

 **GiverOfHugs:** wikihow?!

 **GayPikachu:** OH MY FUCK LEORA

 **GayPikachu:** WHAT THE FUCK WERE U USING FUCKING OML WIKIHOW FOR

 **BeatYoAss:** im dying what is even happening

 **LeoraM:** WHY DO U THINK I NEED ADVICE U DICK

 **GiverOfHugs:** Leora!!! That’s not nice

 **GayPikachu:** SCREW U DICKS ARE GREAT

 **BeatYoAss:** I can second that

 **InstagramQueen:** oml shut up u gays

 **RichardsAunt:** what do u need advice on anyways?

 **LeoraM:** sooooo I um

 **GayPikachu:** she saw a hot person

 **LeoraM:** Actually, she has the same bus stop as me and I refuse to judge her based on appearance

 **GiverOfHugs:** whos ‘she’

 **LeoraM:** her name’s Analise

 **InstagramQueen:** Oh Analise is in Bailey and I’s ALA class i think

 **LeoraM:** REALLY?!

 **GiverOfHugs:** mhm I think she’s friends with Ryan and Kayla.

 **BeatYoAss:** RYAN?!

 **LeoraM:** whos ryan?

 **GayPikachu:** that one guy Jackie is trying to be but failing. He’s a dick to me and Xavier during pe

 

Leora stares at her phone. One word sticks out in his message. _PE._ Liam and Xavier have PE when she has Algebra.

 

 **LeoraM:** what does he look like?

 **BeatYoAss:** brown hair with blonde tips, peachy brown eyes and a ‘model tan’

 

She freezes. A memory pops up. A guy chasing Ana. He fit the description given. They’re friends? That’s hard to believe.

 

 **LeoraM:** Are you sure they’re friends?

 **GiverOfHugs:** Not really, but they ‘hang out’ in class

 

‘Hang out?’ What’s that supposed to mean? Her phone continues to beep with notifications as she tries to contemplate what this possibly means.

 

 **InstagramQueen:** I’m so confused and I’m _in_ that class

 **GiverOfHugs:** I just notice things you don’t

 **GayPikachu:** You sure it’s that and not that Naomi is a iphone addict? XD

 **InstagramQueen:** It’s Kip’s fault

 **RichardsAunt:** I regret nothing

 **BeatYoAss:** I’m honestly surprised you don’t know who Ryan and Kayla, Le

 

This brings her from her confused mind.

 

 **LeoraM:** I know who Kayla is, typical ‘popular, rich girl’ but I may know of Ryan. What’s he done before to you guys?

 **GayPikachu:** Ryan is ‘Soccer Satan’

 

She pauses. Now, _this_ she knows. The infamous ‘Soccer Satan’ as Liam has named him is a long term tormentor. He’s been in at least one of Liam’s classes each year since middle school. The soccer part of the nickname comes from the fact that he’s on Liam’s soccer team. That makes Leora feel silly about not recognizing Ryan. She’s been to years of soccer games. Then again, she likes to focus on either Liam or the opponent.

Besides that, ‘Soccer Satan’ also outed Liam to the soccer team. Apparently he also threatened to out Xavier until Xavier did so himself. All of this is mainly facts she is told of from Xavier and Liam, but she trusts them to be truthful. At least, in some regard. Overall, ‘Soccer Satan’ is a massive asshole to Liam and Xavier.

Now she knows that said, ‘Satan’ was chasing his apparent friend Analise? Them being friends feels much more debatable.

 

 **LeoraM:** Oh the bitch.

 **GayPikachu:** Yea. Anyways, what time are we all meeting up on Saturday?

 **RichardsAunt:** I’ll be flying in late Friday Night, so preferably afternoon-ish

 **InstagramQueen:** Alrighty, so 11:30 AM work?

 **BeatYoAss:** works for me

 **GayPikachu:** Works for THIS MAJESTY

 **GiverOfHugs:** good for me :3

 **RichardsAunt:** obv good for me

 

Leora thinks and types slowly.

 

 **LeoraM:** I’ll be there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Images of how Leora and Analise look: https://twitter.com/IAmRedXD/status/1062931855656140800


	4. Fear of Hiding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I hide. I write and think. Leora observes.

I look out from behind the bush. There he is. He stalks around like a predator hunting for his pray. I’m his pray.

It’d be scary if I didn’t already know what’ll happen. It’s only a matter of delaying the inevitable. The consistency is almost appretiatable.  _ Almost _ .

Life moving at a slow, steady rate is one of the few things I actually like about my life. The patterns are soothing in a strange way. Even so, I find myself longing for a few changes. 

One’s that’d make me excited to wake up in the morning.

I feel a tug on my wrist and turn my head. It’s him. He’s found me. A smirk layers his face in victory. Everything afterwards I’m used to.

The pain, the bruises. I don’t even flinch in surprise at the kisses anymore either.

Sometimes I wish I did.

 

—

 

“Oh my god, Le!” Liam groans loudly. “I love ya, but you have  _ got  _ to stop ranting about the brain! I feel like an idiot here!”

Leora pauses. Right. She forgets sometimes how no one here is interested in her psychology rants. At least sometimes Xavier listens to them. It depends if he is burnt out or not that day.  

Naomi smirks. “Maybe that’s because you  _ are _ an idiot.” She states it smugly.

Liam squawks and flops into Xavier’s lap. “How dare you! This betrayal! One of my close friends for gosh darn sake!” 

“Drama Queen.” Naomi rolls her eyes. Bailey chuckles at his dramatics. 

“I think we need a drama queen in our lil’ group though, Naomi.” He (Blue beanie) pops his small cherry lollipop into his mouth. 

Xavier nods. “Liam’s dramatics are great, whatever do you mean?” 

“Ugh, why.” Naomi frowns, but doesn’t look up from her phone.

Leora hums while her friends chatter. They currently sit on the bleachers outside for lunch.

Her eyes trail over to a large tree and a small shape of a person catches her attention. She recognizes the dark hair. It’s Analise. She looks alone.

Leora’s feet shake the dirt as she runs over to the side of the tree. Peeking around, she sees Analise sitting down, hugging her knees. She is looking around frantically as if she is hiding from someone.

Her breathing calms and she collapses against the tree. She’s wearing a dark gray dress with a lavender hoodie over it. Wool leggings cover her legs. The colors stick out from the rich brown truck of the tree decorated with bright greens and mints. Winter was nearing an end it seemed.

Making sure to make them quieter and less alarming, Leora knocks her fist against the wood as if it’s a door.

Analise flinches and glances up, her eyes peeking through the red strands of her bangs. “Y-You ride the same bus as me?” She whispers fearfully.

With a nod, Leora motions to the spot of grass beside Analise. “Mind if I sit here?” She’s hopeful. This might be a great chance to learn more about this unknown girl and she isn’t letting herself lose it!

“S-Sure…” Analise moves over to create more space for Leora. She didn’t need to though, she’s skinny enough for Leora to easily fit. It’s weird. Every few seconds she glances to the side of the tree in fear. 

Leora sits beside her and looks out ahead. “Whatcha doin out here alone?” She asks. She cringes at how awkward her voice sounds. She tries to recall the wikihow article, however inaccurate it might be.

Step two was to smile and say hello. She didn’t exactly do either. Damn it. She remembers step three being ‘Be genuine in your wish to get to know the shy person.’ That’s cheesy. What does that even mean?

A voice carries from the school exit near the gym. “WHERE ARE YOU, BOO?!”

Boo? 

Analise waves shyly goodbye. “B-Bye Leora…” She walks towards the fence and jumps over it, sprinting down the street.

Confusion layers her brain. What’s happening around her?

 

—

 

I can’t scream. 

My lungs burn.

Tears feel like acid. 

The pen on the table stares up at me. It screams at me with all the hate he does. It tells me to open it and give myself more reminders of why the sun never shines on me. Of why I will die alone and be forgotten before I even close my eyes one last time.

My handwriting is shaky. I still let the pen glide across my arm, my legs, my being. I write what the voice tells me too.

_ Worthless. _

_ Weak. _

_ Little ugly Bitch. _

_ Lose some weight, you look disgusting. _

_ Go fuck yourself. _

_ Nasty. _

I bite my lip as my face stings and my nose burns. My eyes spill acid. I write in the dark pen on my skin, light pen over the bruises.

I eventually run out of light ink. I still have plenty of dark ink though. Maybe I’ll use it later.

It’s cold. I let it in. Maybe I’ll freeze to death? That’d be nice.

My phone doesn’t make any sound. It never does. No one cares. About me or my health. Not even him. He just likes to get use out of me.

I suppose I should be thankful that I’m useful to someone. 

Everything feels numb in a way. It doesn’t at the same time. Feelings can be strange.

My stomach growls and aches. I ignore it. I know I’m on my way to an eating disorder. I want to go and eat. I don’t. I’m too ugly. Maybe if I was prettier people would like me?

That’d mean getting rid of the eyebags. The eyeshadow only makes me look emo. I don’t really care, but I do know that emo vibes make people unsettled.

What would happen if I disappeared? 

No would care. I know that. 

_ Just a few more months until it’ll be the perfect time. No parents to find you and clap along as they watch. No siblings to laugh and help you find the tallest roof. No… boyfriend? … No boyfriend to come and try to make you suffer before you’re last fall. It’ll be perfect. _

I wonder what rooftop would be the best. I’d do an overdose, but pills are too hard for me to swallow. I’ve never been able to. I’d use a knife or razor, but I’m too much of a scared little coward. I know that much. A roof is better. One single jump and it’s over. 

Maybe I’ll get reborn as a caterpillar or something. That’d be nice. All they have to do is eat and sleep. They wake up beautiful and die a week later. Definitely a promising option. Doesn’t really matter. The universe and gods up there all hate me so with my luck I’ll probably be reborn as a fly. Everyone hates flies. Guess I have that in common with them. 

In the end, all the matters is that the next few months pass quick enough.  

 

—

 

Leora rubs her eyes tiredly.

She feels a little sick, ugh.

Probably ate something bad. It also might just be the headache causing it.

The laptop screen is too blurry.

A diagram of the hippocampus is on the screen, but it’s fuzzy and hard to identify.

Her phone beeps in a pattern she almost doesn’t want to interrupt. Beep. Beep beep. Beep. Beep beep. The pattern soothes her pained brain. It gently pushes her eyes closed. It lays her on her bed with intense care. 

It helps her sleep in peace.


	5. Fear Of Figuring

He stares at me. Dark chocolate eyes dig into my soul. It makes me feel chilly. I don't like it.

I don't like how each time he speaks, the world spirals deeper into a black, dark, inky mess. The colors overlapping and creating shadows of monsters that watch me. Each monster is creepy and unfamiliar.

"You hid again." His voice is slurred. I think he's been drinking again.

I nod. He doesn't like me speaking out of line.

"Why would you ever hide,  _Boo_?"

—

Leora feels a tap on her shoulder. Pit, pat. Pit, pat.

"LeOrA!" Liam squawks.

"What?"

Liam pokes her cheek. "You're quiet today."

Naomi nods in agreement. "Plus you ditched us at lunch."

"Sorry, just thinking." Leora waves away Liam's hand.

And thinking she is. So many questions continue to pop into her head, waiting for the answers she doesn't have.

_Why was Analise so skinny? Who was the guy calling for his 'boo?' Was he calling for Analise? Why was she hiding?_

Leora frowns and tries to separate and think over everything.

_What do I know so far?_

_Analise has some sort of relationship with Soccer Sa- Ryan. Most likely platonic friendship. She also has the same and or similar relationship with Kayla._

_Analise rides the same bus as me, but not in a routined pattern._

_She's in my Biology class and has PE when I have Algebra._

_She seems shy?_

Leora sighs heavily. This isn't much to work with.

"You're going to get permanent wrinkles, Le." Liam pokes her cheek again.

She sighs and faces him fully. "Your face is going to receive permanent damage if you do not stop poking me."

He gasps. "I feel betrayed. My own best friend, threatening me." He puts a hand to his forehead.

Xavier pats his shoulder.

Bailey looks at her with a strange look in his eyes. "Le, seriously though, is something wrong?"

Leora pauses to look Bailey in the eyes. The pale beige color swirls with concern and worry. Each speck in his irises glowing with care.

With a sigh, she closes her notebook that she was writing in.

"Earlier, when I walked off?" Her friends all nod. "Well," She inhales sharply. "I sorta ran into Analise."

Xavier raises a brow. "Analise as in, 'Goes to your bus stop, I don't know why you're so fascinated by' Analise?"

Heat spreads lightly to her cheeks in embarrassment. "I can't help my curiosity!"

They all look at her with the same 'are you serious' look.

She sighs and frowns. "Yes, that Analise."

Xavier nods and spins his rainbow bracelet around his finger. "So what happened?"

Leora then goes on to explain the previous encounter. By the end of it, Bailey looks at the ground, biting his lip.

"What's up Bailey? You look down?"

Bailey nods. "I didn't mention the full truth when we were texting yesterday.."

They all look at him expectantly.

His eyes narrow and eyebrows fold. "You see, he calls her boo... As in like a pet name.. because they're dating. And lately I've noticed small little things and moments.. You could say I'm just a little concerned. It isn't my business to interfere though." He looks guilty. For keeping this secret, but also for telling them in the first place.

Leora sighs. She knows that this isn't her business, but no one's ever called her smart for her ability to not let curiosity take the reins.

"It's okay, Bailey." Xavier pats his shoulder.

Naomi bites her lip in thought. Her phone beeps and she glances at it. A wide smile grows on her face as she grabs her phone and moves her fingers crazily across the screen.

"Sorry guys, but I got to go, Kip is going to call me on his way to the airport." She grabs her bag and excitedly bursts out of the library.

We all nod to her in goodbye.

Leora sighs for the fiftieth time. "I should probably be heading home. Don't want Ma and Pa to worry again."

Liam salutes. "Good day Soldier Miles."

She salutes back. "Yeah yeah."

—

She walks away with her bag hanging from her shoulder.

"I'm worried about her babe." Liam glances at Xavier.

_Aren't you ever worried about yourself?_

"Why?"

Xavier rolls his eyes. "She's getting close to messing with Ryan territory. I don't want anyone else getting hurt cause of him."

Bailey nods. "Yeah, but I think if anyone could figure that stuff out and handle it, it's her. She's a toughie."

Liam smiles and glances at the clouds above. "Yeah. She doesn't know it, but she's one of best of us."

**Author's Note:**

> Astraphobia - Fear of Thunder and Lightning  
> Schizophrenia - A disorder that affects a person's ability to think, feel, and behave clearly.  
> Anablephobia - Fear of looking up  
> Agoraphobia - Fear of crowds and feeling trapped  
> Scopophobia - Fear of drawing attention to self/ear of being seen and stared at by others  
> Hemophobia - Fear of blood  
> Monophobia - Fear of Isolation  
> Atychiphobia - Fear of Failure  
> ADHD - A chronic condition including attention difficulty, hyperactivity, and impulsiveness.  
> Omnisexual - Omnisexuals are attracted to all genders, but not REGARDLESS of gender. Gender can still be a factor in their attraction, unlike true pansexuals, who don't care about gender.


End file.
